| It's been so long. |
|
|
| 11:05pm 14/02/2008 |
| |
It's been years... a year? since I've written in this. Hello everyone. How are you?
I've been journaling every day but I guess I don't quite have a voyeuristic streak I once had in high-school. Maybe my life is more put together and more drama free - I really only wrote about drama. I miss the feedback though.
Looking through my old entries is weird. I've come so far and I've grown so much. I started keeping a journal in 8th grade when I heard about a sociologist that studied her old journals for some sort of project. I can't remember anything about the project.
I'm in college now. I didn't end up here because I wanted to go to college. Mr. and Mrs. Genson's insistence really were key to me ending up here. It's probably for the best, and it's not really that hard and I guess it is sort of neccessary if I ever want anyone to take me seriously.
Looking through the old entries made me really sad too. Old failed reationships, so so so many journals about Bobby (although those were private), so so so many journals about leaving Charlie for my summer adventure. What was I doing leaving him? He was probably the best to me that I could ever find.
So many journals, and the only good poetry I've ever written about a hot summer absinthe night.
International make your daughter cry week.
I have some new goals. To be fearless, move beyond fear. Love fearlessly. I've always got this cautious guarded sort of I'll-only-love-you-if-you-love-me-back love and I've learned that that is not love. Love is I'll-love-everything-no-matter-what-all-the-time-even-if-it-hates-me. I am struggling with this fearless love.
I struggled with lonelyness and aloneness. I guess I'll never be truly alone or truly lonely because I have Debra. For awhile though I felt as if I did not have her and I felt so very lonely. I embraced it for about a month, and I think that's about all I can take. I've always been intesnely social in my weird way. I love to have a bunch of people around all of the time.
I've learned so much about seeking and wanting and how they only lead to more sadness. The secoind I stop wanting it is the second I have a chance of being happy.
Jacob. I didn't really write about Jacob at all. He taught me lonelyness and sadness and anger and frustration like I've never felt. Everything he did made me feel whatever I was feeling so strongly. He did a lot of really hurtful stupid stuff, but I really think I'm much better for it. It caused a leap in my emotional growth. I'm much better at dealing with sadness. I've always sort of ignored being sad, but I couldn't ignore it when it was knocking on my door incessantly. We hurt each other so so bad. Every day I feel like I have a better understanding of how I want to be. How I want my future relationships to be. How I want to deal with my emotions.
And I'm secretive or so I'm told. I want to not be secretive. Jacob L thinks its a malicious political secretive. Jacob R thinks it's a pure secretive sadness, or something. I don't want to be a secret, I don't want to be a mystery... I don't like it that the people I lived with for months felt like they didn't really know me. That was weird time though. There were a lot of rediculous things going on that I really just wanted to hide from... and I really think that was the best I could do.
My family was is so quiet. We don't talk a lot. We just sit and enjoy each other's company. It sort of made guests feel like our family didn't really like each other. Except that wasn't it at all, we love each other very much. We were just quiet. We love each other so much we don't have to fill every moment with chatter. I want to go back to this. I want to talk when it's neccessary and cut out the habitual useless stuff.
And I have this growing disdain for politics. I want America to be dismantled, not fixed. Maybe I'm an anarchist at heart. |
|
| |
|
Read 3 - Post |
| |
| |
|
|
| 06:54pm 14/03/2007 |
| |
I'm in love with the greater New Orleans metro area.
Hippies... for me! |
|
| |
|
Read 2 - Post |
| |
| |
|
|
| 09:56pm 21/02/2007 |
| |
Virgo (Aug 23 - Sep 22)
Your need for love gains urgency and you want more intensity, romance and meaning. You are looking for the real thing or seeking ways to deepen a current relationship. Finding balance can be tricky, for your current impatience can prompt you to make a bad decision. Remember, true love is worth the wait. |
|
| |
|
Read 4 - Post |
| |
| |
|
|
| 07:59pm 20/01/2007 |
| |
I'm so bored I'm going to explode. |
|
| |
|
Post |
| |
| |
|
|
| 04:47am 30/11/2006 |
| |
Do essay on Chapter 11 - domestic policy vs. international policy in the presidency (Due friday)
Post to online class 5 more times over 3 days.
Redo Research Project (State Soverignty - Extreme Violence) (Due last monday)
Do Chapter 18 Quiz and Final Exam (and get perfect scores if I want an A...)
Do Holocaust vicarious trauama essay. (Due Monday)
I'm sooo lazy. I'm bored with all of it. |
|
| |
|
Post |
| |
| So... are you two together? |
|
|
| 05:31am 27/11/2006 |
| |
From Ms. Magazine.
Liz is explaining the situation to some guy in customer service.
"My roommate and I need to network our computers together," she's saying, seated at the other desk in the office that we share.
The word "roommate" jumps out at me. It's an inadequate word, but it's all we have. What else do you call two friends who are shacked up together in a decaying Victorian, run several businesses and one nonprofit group out of its rooms, host political meetings under oil portraits of Puritan and Jewish ancestors, cook kale and tofu meals for all who stop by, go to parties as a couple, and spend holidays with each other's families? If we were lesbians-as people sometimes assume us to be — we would fit more neatly into a box. But we're straight.
In the year and a half we've lived together, I have struggled with the namelessness of our situation. The word "roommate" conjures up a college dorm, scuff marks on the floors from hundreds of anonymous occupants, locks on all the doors, the refrigerator Balkanized into zones where you can or cannot put your food, Death Metal blasting from the speakers down the hall. It means transience and 20 years old. It does not mean love or family.
Words offer shelter. They help love stay. I wish for a word that two friends could live inside, like a shingled house with faded Persian rugs. Sometimes, in an attempt to make our relationship sound more valid, I tell people Liz and I are in a "Boston marriage." The usual response is, "You're in a what?"
It's an antique phrase, dating back to the 1800s. In Victorian times, women who wanted to maintain their independence and freedom opted out of marriage and often paired up to live together, acting as each other's "wives" and "helpmeets." Henry James's 1886 novel about such a liaison, The Bostonians, may have been the inspiration for the term, or perhaps it was the most glamorous female couples who made their homes in Boston, including Sarah Orne Jewett, a novelist, and her "wife" Annie Adams Fields, also a writer.
Were they gay? Was the "Boston marriage" simply a code word for lesbian love? Historian Lillian Faderman says this is impossible to determine, because nineteenth-century women who kept diaries drew curtains over their bedroom windows. They did not bother to mention whether their ecstatic friendship spilled over into — as Faderman so romantically puts it — "genital sex." And ladies, especially well-to-do ones who poured tea with their pinkies raised, were presumed to have no sex drive at all. Women could share a bed, nuzzle in public, and make eyes at each other, and these cooings were considered to be as innocent as schoolgirl crushes.
So, at least in theory, the Boston marriage indicated a platonic, albeit nerdy relationship. With ink-stained fingers, the Victorian roommate-friends would smear jam on thick slices of bread and then lounge across from each other in bohemian-shabby leather armchairs to discuss a novel-in-progress or a political speech they'd just drafted. Their brains beat as passionately as their hearts. The arrangement often became less a marriage than a commune of two, complete with a political agenda and lesson plan.
"We will work at [learning German] together — we will study everything," proposes Olive, a character in The Bostonians, to her ladylove. Olive imagines them enjoying "still winter evenings under the lamp, with falling snow outside, and tea on a little table, and successful renderings . . . of Goethe, almost the only foreign author she cared about; for she hated the writing of the French, in spite of the importance they have given to women." James poked fun at Olive's bookworm passion. But he lavished praise on his own sister Alice's intense and committed friendship with another woman, which he considered to be pure, a perfect devotion.
Most likely, the Boston marriage was many things to many women: business partnership, artistic collaboration, lesbian romance. And sometimes it was a friendship nurtured with all the care that we usually squander on our mates — a friendship as it could be if we made it the center of our lives.
...
Liz sashays into the kitchen, a shopping bag crinkling under her arm. "I bought you these," she says, "because you've been wearing those mismatched gloves with holes in them."
I slide on the mittens, and my hands turn into fuzzy paws, pink and red with a touch of gold. "I love them," I say, and hug her, patting her back with my fuzz. She laughs and shifts her eyes away, a bit embarrassed by her own generosity. "I couldn't have my roommate going around in shabby gloves," she says.
She uses the word "roommate." But I know what she means. |
|
| |
|
Read 2 - Post |
| |
| |
|
|
| 12:00am 19/11/2006 |
| |
I want to be proposed to at the Lincoln Memorial at night.
Edit:
I want to take the civil service test and move to Washington DC. I want to leave behind a boy that cares about me very much, and have him come get me 4 months later. And propose at the Lincoln Memorial. I want not to live in an apartment full of cockroaches though. I even have the same skirt that my grandmother wore!
I never would have guessed that my Grandpa was ever even remotely romantic. My grandmother never told me, my mother, my aunt... no one, where she was proposed to. Debra provoked her and she finally told us about it. She was 19 when she went to work in Washington DC.
I just think it's such a cool story. I want my life to be a gigantic cool story. |
|
| |
|
Read 2 - Post |
| |
| |
|
|
| 06:21am 31/10/2006 |
| |
I'm not so sure I understand life. I feel like everything I do only turns into memories. I wonder what the point of doing it is, if it just stays in my head. I can make up some pretty sweet stories and not ever have to do anything. I've always wanted to collect as many experiences as humanly possible, but for what? |
|
| |
|
Read 1 - Post |
| |
| |
|
|
| 07:07am 28/10/2006 |
| |
I wish I knew why I do such silly things sometimes.
Oh Sasha. |
|
| |
|
Post |
| |
| |
|
|
| 06:10am 14/10/2006 |
| |
Enter a random number. Click once. and then close it. Don't sign up or anything. this is more for my reference, but it'd be cool if ya'll clicked. |
|
| |
|
Post |
| |
| I'm frustrated. |
|
|
| 01:57am 26/09/2006 |
| |
Posted: 9-25-2006
Cynthia Ann Genson
Cynthia Ann Genson, 52. of 3690 Lincoln Road, Ludington, died Saturday, Sept. 23 at her home following a brave battle with cancer. She was surrounded by her loving family.
Cynthia Ann Seyfred was born May 19, 1954 in Niles, the daughter of Allan E. and Betty Jean Seyfred. She was married on April 5, 1975 in Ludington to Dennis J. Genson and he survives.
She received her bachelor of science in nursing and worked as a registered nurse at Memorial Medical Center for a number of years. She was a member of the Michigan Peer Review Organization and the National Association for Quality Assurance. She was also a member of the United Methodist Church of Ludington.
Cindy was a devoted wife and mother who enjoyed vacationing at Disney World with her family, gardening and photography.
She willl be greatly missed by her husband of 31 years, Dennis; her son, Samuel (Kirsten) Genson; her granddaughter, Grace Cynthia; her daughter, Sarah Genson; her parents, Allan E. and Betty Jean Seyfred of Hart; her father-in-law, Clarence Genson of Scottville; her sisters, Sandra (Mark) Densham of Grand Rapids, Jill Seyfred of Lexington, Ky.; her brother, Mark (Linda) Seyfred of Franklin, Tenn.; nieces and nephews; aunts and uncles.
Following Cindy’s wishes cremation has taken place at Western Michigan Crematory in Muskegon. There will be a Celebration of Life service on Saturday, Sept. 30 at 10:30 a.m. at the United Methodist Church of Ludington with the Rev. Joe Elenbaas and the Rev. Ken Tabor officiating. Interment will follow in Lakeview Cemetery.
Visitation with Cindy’s family will be from 9 a.m.. until the time of service at the church.
Cindy also expressed her wish that those desiring to make an expression of sympathy consider the LEA Scholarship Fund, the Sally Johnson Fund at the Blood and Cancer Center or the United Methodist Church.
Dorrell Funeral Home is in charge of arrangements.
(Ludington Daily News) |
|
| |
|
Read 2 - Post |
| |
| Donate |
|
|
| 12:09am 01/03/2006 |
| |
Quiz Bowl is going to Nationals!!! But the catch is... we need to raise a bunch of money before April. A lot of little donations will add up!
Help us out! |
|
| |
|
Read 9 - Post |
| |
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
la_feeverte's journal
